My Quality Life

This is a portion of a speech I gave not too long ago.

I want children who are afraid to go home to receive the same help and attention that Christian Charities have given to poor families around the world, what animal activists have accomplished in preventing cruelty to animals. That’s a big goal to achieve and it won’t be reached until the violence that is happening in our homes is brought out into the open, children are rescued and families get help.

I want to see a TV commercial of a bully beating up a smaller classmate and in the next scene we see the bully at home being kicked around the house, picked up and thrown across the room by his dad. The caption at the bottom of the screen reads Stop Violence in our Homes.

Growing up in my violent home, I was fortunate that I repressed some of my bad memories and was able to disappear at times.

I was unfortunate that confusion, distrust and extreme low self-esteem became my reality.

At the age of 45 those repressed memories started to surface. I immediately went into shock called shutdown mode, and had to find help in order to function again.

Middle age is often the time when repressed memories surface? Because…
1. We are farther removed from the time of the abuse.
2. We are in a better place, more in control of our surroundings. Or
3. The abuser has died.

Many of our states are revising their laws for reporting childhood sexual abuse increasing the statue of limitations. Our governments are responding as we move forward and understand better the complexities of the human mind and how repressed memories work.

I was told in therapy if I did the hard work to heal, my life could be of better quality than of someone who was never abused.

And that became my goal.

I worked hard to heal. I went to therapy 2 times a week, every week for 3 ½ years. Group and individual therapies.

I read the book Courage to Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis and listened to the advice that felt like a good fit for me.
I ended a bad marriage.
I faced my fears and allowed the past to come forward.
I confronted my father about the sexual abuse. I told him, “Dad, childhood memories have surfaced about you sexually abusing me. I love you and all I want is for you to say, “I’m sorry" and we’ll be fine.” His response was, “You ungrateful daughter for bringing that up now.”

Our children are being harmed violently and some will repress their bad memories and some will disappear into a fugue state as needed.

Many of the children who are acting out in school showing violent behavior and bullying their classmates are being hurt themselves at home.

Our jails are filled with adults who were tormented by their parents as children.

We have men and women surviving with the aid of alcohol and drugs trying to hide from their childhood memories.

We have Charles Manson and Ted Bundy.

We have wounded adults having babies without a clue how to love or care for them and the violent cycle continues.

There is no cure for growing up in a violent home but there is life changing healing.

At the age of 50 I started seeing me as the person I was meant to be.
I felt proud.
I saw how strong I was to survive my childhood horrors and I see how strong I am today for being able to face those horrors.

I stopped being fearful of people and started welcoming new experiences into my life.
Today, there is no stopping me when I set out to accomplish a goal and I love the challenge.

Last year I was turned down by a literary mentor because she didn’t feel my book was publishable. The day after she said no to working with me I received word that I came in second place in a national writing contest. It was the same story I had sent to the mentor.

Four months later I received a contract from a publishing house to start negotiations.
They wanted to publish my book.

I have confidence in myself and I listen to my voice first when something pertains to me.

When I first moved to MN, 22 years ago, I was deep into my job hunting when I received a phone call after one of my interviews. Mr. Frank said to me, “Do you know what your former boss is saying about you?”
I said, “No, what?”
“He’s saying everything that you touch turns to gold.”
I have to offer the position to the person who is given that referral.

After doing the hard work to heal, I can now do for myself what I did for others.
My life is of gold quality.

The children who are not rescued from their violent homes while they are still young will suffer a lifetime from their abuses.

Some will suffer in jail later in life, others with alcohol or drugs, never finding peace.

And some who are lucky will repress their bad memories, disappear from life, begin healing at middle age and hopefully start living a quality life at 50.

The earlier we rescue our little ones the better chance they have to live a normal, healthy, happy life.